


don't have to throw it away

by hotmess_ex_press



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Stan BLACKPINK, but you know pretty unrequited because this is hanahaki, title from tfk's "take it out on me", what's characterisation?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 17:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16433447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotmess_ex_press/pseuds/hotmess_ex_press
Summary: Chaeyoung tries to love Jennieenough, just enough to save her.





	don't have to throw it away

**Author's Note:**

> i am so very sorry for not writing for so long! and now here is some angst

The petals are a faint, faint purple underneath the glossy crimson. Fascinating, alluring, dripping from the ends of Jennie's pale fingertips. Something palpable, something to taste and prove. _Anemone_ , for fading hope and the feeling of being forsaken. It's all too fitting; Jennie was cursed, Chaeyoung figures, before they could even begin to pretend. The universe just overlooks them. If she could understand it, even begin to fathom the pain, Chaeyoung might think it was a romantic way to die. Beautiful, even. Destructive love, unrealized love, overwhelming love--it's such a pretty, hopeless thought.

There's a spot of blood on the corner of Jennie's lip. Chaeyoung lifts her hand, gently wipes the red away with her thumb. Jennie swallows roughly and glances away. Glistening eyes, full of all those forbidden words.

"Chaeng," Jennie's voice is a husk of its former glory. Chaeyoung's knees go weak, and she stumbles back to lean against the counter. "You can't love me by halves."

Chaeyoung remembers the day she found out. Night, rather. The light from the open bathroom door, pouring gold and bronze into a puddle on the hallway carpet, Jennie's near-silent sobs. The air filled with the scent of flowers and copper when she found Jennie curled up on the cold tile. She recalls asking, _why_ , and _since when_ , and never finding the answers, her head spinning. She remembers Jennie's red nails digging marks into her wrist when she asked _who_?

_It's you_ , Jennie had confessed, fear sharp in her expression, and what could Chaeyoung do?

It should be so easy to love Jennie. A face that crows perfection, the passion showing through in everything she does, and a figure any man would go crazy to get his hands on. And, out of everyone, this angel wants _Chaeyoung_?

_So. Easy._

"I'm sorry," Chaeyoung whispers, and covers her eyes with her hands. _Jennie_ , seeing Jennie fragile, so breakable, with the waxy half-moonlight swallowing her up, is enough to drown Chaeyoung in waves of sickening guilt. _I'm trying_ , she wants to cry out. _I'm trying!_ But that's not enough, it will never be enough as long as a garden still flourishes to mingle with the blood inside of Jennie. "I am. I'm so sorry."

The apologies seem to darken the circles around Jennie's eyes, and she just looks _tired_.

"You're always sorry. Why are you fucking _sorry_?" Jennie's tone carries ice and exhaustion in equal measure. She seems to soften when she pulls Chaeyoung's hands away, looking at her with that tangible adoration so potent in her gaze. "You have nothing to apologize for."

Chaeyoung feels the desperation pooling inside her. "I do. _Everything_...Jennie, I'm _killing_ you."

Jennie lets out a feathery laugh. It touches Chaeyoung the same way an ocean rises up to meet a man dying of thirst. She steps closer and Chaeyoung can feel the ghost of her breath against her ear as Jennie rests her head against the younger's shoulder. Jennie is so delicate in her arms, it's a wonder she doesn't break like a bead of rain against the sidewalk. It's a wonder she didn't shatter the first time they touched.

"Don't," Jennie murmurs. "Just...don't."

And Chaeyoung _hurts_. She's not good enough to fill up the spaces Jennie needs her to. Jennie feels all too much, and Chaeyoung, never quite _enough_. Love is love, and she _loves_ Jennie, in whatever ways she can, so why does it do nothing to soothe the blooms suffocating Jennie's heart?

_You dabble in almosts_ , Jennie had told her once, lips bitten red, pupils blown wide.

Jennie is brilliant. A smile to anger the gods, to put the stars to shame. Anemones in a sea of air and lies and red roses, bittersweet and wistful against all the frightfully solid things. Chaeyoung reaches into herself, pulls up all the last drops of moonlight she can find, and it still cannot appease the beautiful monster Jennie fights.

Chaeyoung sighs, and Jennie trembles. Just like a cruel wind sweeping through a shivering tree. "This world had it out for you."

Jennie slips her fingers through Chaeyoung's hair. "This," she brushes airy kisses along Chaeyoung's jaw. She's surely not choking on her own love, but Chaeyoung's heart is breaking just the same, and it feels terribly exquisite. "This is enough."

After everything, Chaeyoung is buying time for the both of them. Counting down the seconds until the end on a broken watch. She just can't bring herself to give it all away, the way Jennie does without thought.

(It's _not_ enough, and Chaeyoung tries to remember the warmth Jennie once possessed. It's useless, good things won't come back to her, unbidden.)

The sun is eager, pushing up at the horizon with its buttery rays of pink and yellow. The darkness yields, and light reflects backwards and sideways and up, carving itself a path across Jennie's cluttered kitchen. Jennie steps back, hand catching in the ripples of her skirt and leaving behind a streak of scarlet. Tendrils of her perfume, cedarwood and smoke, vanilla and almond liquor, snake around Chaeyoung, and she breathes in, imagining heaven.

"Is there anything I can do?" Chaeyoung asks, catching herself before she can reach out, to touch Jennie, hold her, keep her safe. But the daylight is like a cage, locking up all that dangerous hope. Flowers feed off of sunlight, after all. The full anemones in Jennie's sink catch her eye, a merciless first warning. Jennie's lips quirk up into a sad smile.

"Not much."

Chaeyoung hates the doubt that decorates Jennie's simple words. "Come on," she pleads. "Let yourself be selfish."

Jennie lights up at that, in the same way that made Chaeyoung stay. Slowly, cautiously. Divinely. She is breathtaking. "Love me all the way."

Her regret could end the world. Aching, all-encompassing. Chaeyoung moves forward, tilts Jennie's head up, and nearly sobs at the stars she can see in Jennie's sparkling eyes. She kisses her softly, slowly. Like _forever_ is still a possibility.

She tastes like her own poisoned love.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved and cherished forever.


End file.
